this or that

im fucking toast, lol it started like this way back. Im tweeked in the head, ill admit it to my blog. I wish the doctors could help. I wish Jesus would heal me, I wish I was smarter and stronger.  its too much to ask just to be still, just lay down. These pity partys are taking to me like a tan. but is it not just? Im positive.  I walk out of the hospital feel he breeze against my skin. the sun warms my face I walk and feel myself with harmonious bliss. im very thankful for that moment more then most can have in years, I have the ear of a beautiful woman, figuratively. Im safe from war. Many friends, I think I have business savvy. my left arm is strong. I lay my tent for new Jerusalem, im respected among my neighbors although this illness has lowered my head a little. I can sing now. my dad waits for me to reveal to him how to live, to get my fathers life on tract is something this generation can do without a doubt in my mind and i am thankful for his distant yearning heart, my moms healthy enough. my sisters know what God can do in this world. and that gives me peace with my kin for life. My friends need me and I will answer, what joy I look forward to hanging out, playing and creating with loved ones. Not working so hard and feasting as kings do. hopefully enough to increase food for everyone I care for in some way or the other. Ive learned alot these days my life goals are totally up in the air, I know I want to serve not necessarily the army not that they would have me. but something deep enough to give it all. these seem kinda vague thats because it is, im not sure yet, A good woman would take it to the top. oh ill get her, and we will share and experience the world everyday. I will set stones in Christendom and other builders will help. the world will not be the same. I get to play with my cat for 10 or so years haha. when the day arises I will not be boastful or sneaky, but the words of my mouth and the actions of my hand will be honorable and true, it feels good to write this down. the world is mine, back lust, wrath, greed, you have been noted. and slough your toast with my broken arm.